Heart Ablaze
by Revever
Summary: Belle returns to Crathie. An anniversary is coming and Gold has to explain why the whole village seems to hate him. Part six of Crathie.


Belle couldn't wait to see Robert and Bae. A month apart, even with phone calls and e-mails was a month too much. She wondered if this was because they were at the very beginning of relationship or it would always be like that. In any case she hoped that the next time she'd be going away, she wouldn't share any colds with them. It turned out that both Robert and Bae spend the first week of her absence with sore throats as well. She could only hope that the next time they could all be sick together, bundled up in blankets, watching crappy TV and do many other nice things – all together. Separate sucked.

All the same she admitted that leaving Crathie for a bit was unavoidable, seeing as at the very least she really needed to get her warm clothes and some more things from London. Unless she'd have asked Ariel to mail them to her, but it was always better to do things like that personally.

'Belle!' Robert cried with joy when he opened the door and saw her.

For a moment he was looking at her as if she was some sort of miracle, then caught her in his arms and held close. She sighed happily returning the embrace.

'I thought you were going to call me? How did you get here? I thought I was supposed to go to Plockton for you, why didn't you call?'

'I was going to, but I was there just in time to catch a ride with a postman. So here I am.'

'Come in, then. Where do you have your things?'

'Oh, I left everything at bed and breakfast and came here as quick as I could.'

Robert frowned.

'Are you... are you staying there?'

'No, this time I'm staying with you, just as we agreed to. We would have to go for my bags, but no need to do it right now.'

She stole a kiss then, smiling when Robert stopped frowning.

'Would you like something to eat? Bae is at Jefferson's, on a sleepover. We weren't sure when you'll be back, so...'

'It's okay, I wasn't sure myself. I could have been here tomorrow or day after that just as well. And...' she smiled widely, 'that means I have you all for myself today. And tonight. And tomorrow morning and you're making me dinner and breakfast.'

Robert's cooking was delicious. Belle didn't like traditional English breakfast, but traditional Scottish one, prepared by Robert, was something she was dying for through her whole trip. The same with dinners, suppers and everything else. Belle herself didn't have a slightest knack for cooking, so she was doubly determined to enjoy Robert's skills.

'That is right, sweetheart. I still can't believe you're back.'

So, to help him believe, Belle kissed him again, this time a lot harder.

* * *

After her stay at bed and breakfast and seeing some scenes with other tourists and even more local kids (and adults!), Belle was sure that Granny was a master at 'creative' child punishments, like 'go to the corner and stand there for as long as you think you should', which caused children to stand there forever crying silently until she had to told them it's enough. Or saying fondly that for their own good she was forcing them to clean their room, because she knows they wouldn't do it on their own. Maybe she even was adding something like 'do you really want to live in a barn', masterfully implicating they deserved it to for not wanting to clean. Perhaps when she liked a child she was fondly making him or her do things for show - only when among people - telling what to do so people would see she's a good Granny, and then forbidding something just because kids can't have all they want and they must be taught modesty. Or making them throw away they favorite toys and crafts just because they were worn and dirty, or innocent collections of scraps and other odd things that have any value only for children. Belle could remember a lot of similarly cruel tactics from some memorable XIX century books that deserved to be burned.

But it all was nothing in comparison to how Granny decided to treat Robert every time they met.

Belle and Robert drove to the bed and breakfast to collect Belle's luggage and went inside holding hands. Belle ignored the long, disapproving look that Granny bestowed upon them.

'Do you remember what date is in two days?' Granny said aloud to Robert. She didn't move from her spot behind the counter, but her voice carried and everyone present was looking at them.

Robert ducked his head, so Belle decided to hurry up and go away.

'You might finally do what is right this year,' Granny added with the most patronizing, criticizing voice that Belle ever heard.

When they were back in Robert's car, Belle saw his hands trembling.

'Robert? Sweetheart, what was this all about? What's wrong?'

He shook his head, clearly trying to be calm, but Belle saw the lines on his face betraying that he fought tears.

'Robert?'

'L-later? Home?' he managed and Belle nodded. He started the car and pulled off.

Back in his house, he helped to move all the bags into the guestroom, located next to Bae's room and on the opposite to his bedroom at the second floor. Then he hurried off to the kitchen, busying himself with the dinner. Belle sighed and sat at the kitchen table, as always enjoying observing Robert at work, but now also worried. He was nervous too, she could see it in the slight tremble of his hands, the way he moved a bit quicker than usual and how he pretended she is not in the kitchen with him.

'Robert,' she said gently, getting up. 'Stop for a moment. There's no need for such nerves. It's alright. Whatever happened it's alright.'

He allowed her to put hands on his shoulders, massaging gently.

'Oh Belle... It's not alright.'

'It is about why Granny despise you so much, right?'

'Right,' he sighed.

'And whatever it is, in two days is some date related to it?'

'Yes, an anniversary... In truth, I hoped you'd come back after that day.'

He was looking firmly at his shoes but his hair didn't completely hide the blush.

'What happen then to make you so afraid?'

Afraid and ashamed, but Belle didn't want to point that out aloud to not spook him even more.

'I... let me have a little more time with you? Before...' he made a vague gesture with his hand.

'Before?...'

'Oh, Belle, we had a really beautiful thing between us. Before the story destroys it, let me have a little while longer?...'

His brows creased in distress and Belle mentally replayed his words.

'Wait, are you telling me that when you tell me whatever it is, we're breaking up?'

'I...'

'Do you want to break up? It's the most out of the blue thing I've heard in a very long time.'

'Well, no, but this isn't a good story.' He cringed, looking like he wanted to run away. 'It's the kind of thing that will... that can change your mind.'

Belle tugged his hand and made him sit next to her on the kitchen chair.

'Do you really think that at this point... Well, okay, did you murdered someone?'

She didn't expect Robert to bolt from the chair and leap for the sink to start furiously scrubbing a mostly clean pot.

'Robert... I just meant that it surely can't be that bad... Oh gods, it's about the 'not really not murderer' thing you told me when the village went insane over Milah! But we also established that you're not really murderer too. What happened? Did you cause an accident? Someone died as a result?′

Robert visibly deflated, putting the pot down, but not turning back. Belle carefully went on to stand next to him and put her hands on his shoulders.

'Robert?'

He sighed, looking at the pot.

'Almost, Belle,' he said in a flat, raspy voice. 'There was a fire. It was seven years ago, Bae was just one year old then. It was an old house at the outskirts of the village, on it's opposite side from here. It belonged to,' his voice hitched, 'Granny's daughter. I was, accidentally, the first person there, I was driving by. It was late in the night, I was coming back from Inverness. I called help, thank God for cell phones, but it takes time... Ruby wasn't there, she was staying at Granny's. But her mother was there. She... she called for help. I heard her, but I couldn't see her in any window. I told about it Granny and Ruby the next day. I... I could have go inside. Check it, maybe there was a way to save her. But I'll never know, because I was too afraid to go. I was scared stiff in fact. The only thing I was able to do was to sit in the car, thinking that Bae is only one year old. It's actually how they all saw me, the fire brigade, when they arrived. It's not professional fire brigade, they are our village people, volunteers, the real fire brigade came even later. I admit, the professional firefighters told me that most likely I couldn't have done anything, and it would be extremely dangerous... But no matter, the thing is, Ruby's mom was dead and they all saw that I sat in the car doing nothing. So, not really a murderer, but not really not one.'

'Oh, sweetheart...' Belle cooed, rubbing his arms.

'It didn't took Milah long to pack up after that.'

'I won't leave. Really, it's not something that would make me leave you. I'm still here. But thank you for telling me this. Actually, here, let's forget the food for now. Let's sit on the sofa and cuddle for some time. Okay?'

He allowed her to lead him over to the sofa and arrange them so they were plastered together. Belle caressed his hair.

'Now I understand why Granny is the way she is towards you... But, well, you were just afraid and you had Bae to think about. Going into the burning house might just end in your death too. The firemen said so. Why no one believed them?'

'Because Ruby's mom died. Yes, they said so, but I'll never know how would it be if I tried. They weren't there at the time. I was and I didn't do anything. I'm a coward and I'm useless when it comes to do anything for other people. It was always that way. And people around me pay for it. I fear you would pay too.'

'I still love you,' Belle said, because it was the only sure thing she knew to say. The rest would hopefully start to disentangle itself after that.

Robert gasped softly hearing this.

'I love you too,' he whispered, reverently.

Belle realized that they never told it to one another aloud until now.

'I can scarcely believe it, Belle...' he whispered then. 'It seems... too good. You could have anyone and...'

'If you think about persuading me that I deserve someone better, please don't. I decide.'

He shook his head.

'It's... not the point. I suppose it's the possible result, but the point is, it's awfully difficult for me to believe. I just... it goes against everything I know about myself and people's... view of me.'

'Oh...'

'I think the only one more loathed person than me was Mr Zoso, but I'm not sure in fact. He was a foreigner, had a lot of foreign habits, never really fit in. So when he did something bad, it seemed much more worse than if someone else did it.'

'What did he do?' Belle asked with eyebrows raised.

'Well, he was a drunk. And one day he got into a drunken brawl at Granny's. He didn't let himself be thrown out, but then he hit another man with a glass he drank from. The glass shattered, the shards cut into man's eye. There was nothing that could be done to save the eye, and Mr Zoso was taken away, to prison. Hearing everything they were talking about him in Crathie... I kind of wanted to go see him, tell him to never come back. I didn't but he didn't come back either. I don't know what happened to him. But, at least, he's not responsible for anyone's death.'

'Did you think of moving away from Crathie?' Belle asked carefully.

Robert sighed deeply.

'Sometimes. But...' he looked around the room. 'I don't really want to leave. What would I do? Here I have my own place. Even if... And it wouldn't be fair. I should stay. It's not always bad. People are coming to me for help with paperwork. I can't leave.'

'I think they would be able to manage they paperwork,' Belle suggested gently.

'But... I want to help.' He looked down at their joined hands. 'I feel that I'm paying the debt. The more they ask for things, the more I'm paying. I can't really help much with any physical job, but there is many things I can order for them, or write any document, or give some legal advice. I became quite adept at any fundraising, government programs and so on. They know I will do a good work. Once even Mrs Lucas needed my help. A-and she needed a loan and I could help.'

'Oh. Did she pay it back? Did any of them pay you for anything?'

Robert minutely shook his head.

'Not yet. But I feel better exactly because of that. I'm not going to ask.'

Belle knew pretty well that money weren't something that Robert had in abundance. Having a shop for tourists, and more recently some small online business selling his handicraft, wasn't all that profitable. Fortunately he managed to secure some small government funding for himself as well, even if his croft consisted only of two sheeps he had for a wool and a small vegetable garden.

'I understand, Robert, but... It's not really okay for them to use you. Or to blame you like that for something that's so uncertain and... and human.'

Anyone else would probably hear from the same village people that they don't have to sacrifice anything for the people who are this unfriendly and exploited them. And if they still do, they would be praised as a heroes or alternatively taken care of like a souls in need. While for Robert, it was apparently just a duty, an obligation. If he did it there was no thanks needed, if he didn't he was probably just heartless and devoid of compassion and proper shame.

'You owe them nothing, Robert. You can leave.'

'I can't.'

'It's no good to allow them exploit you. Sweetheart, tell me, are you really okay with them asking you for all that?'

'No,' he admitted quietly. 'It's exhausting.'

Belle felt herself gripping Robert's hand harder in frustration. Really, if they wanted Robert to give them something, why wouldn't they make sure first that he had something left to give?

'But Belle, I can't. It wouldn't be right. And I don't want to leave this place. It's aunties' home. I can't leave it.′

Belle nodded. Of course he wouldn't want to leave his family home. She wondered how much this was influenced by his guilt over aunties' deaths, but even without that her Robert was a creature that forms strong bonds with people and places. It wouldn't be right or efficient to try to persuade or force him straight away, but at the same time she couldn't do nothing.

But what could she do?

'Granny mentioned that she expects you to do something right this year? What was she talking about?' Belle asked, having no idea what else to say.

'Every year there is a memorial for Ruby's mom,' Robert said bitterly. 'She expects me to come and apologize properly and publicly. I never as much as left home on this day and I didn't let Bae out as well.'

Belle just shook her head. Granny was hurting, any mother would be hurting over her child's death. But this...

'What does Bae know about it all?' she asked suddenly. It must have been awful for him. The situation with supposed murdering of Milah was showing it clearly.

'I explained it to him, as good as I could, so he wouldn't learn it from anyone else. So far he always takes my side, but... I can't help but wonder when he'd outgrow it. Or when he starts to see me as the rest of the village does.'

'Bae loves you. It won't change. Especially when you explained it to him already.'

'It was scary, Belle... Even with simple words, the truth of what I did... He seems however satisfied that I didn't hurt anyone on purpose, only didn't help out of fear.'

'I'm pretty satisfied too, you know.'

'Oh, Belle...' Robert nuzzled into her neck.

'It's true. You didn't want anyone to be harmed. It was very dangerous. It's human to be afraid, to think about your child first. Sure it would be better if she survived, but you didn't kill her.'

Robert just nuzzled closer at her words. They sat cuddled like that so long that Belle lost count of time, but neither of them wanted to break the contact even a little. Robert seemed to absorb the reassurance and acceptance from her, and for Belle this was incredibly gratifying and hopeful feeling.

Late at night, supper forgotten, they hazily migrated to his bed, then continued to sleep in each other's embrace like two squirrels in their winter nest. And Belle was determined to continue along that way as long as her Robert needed to feel more reassured and fine with himself.


End file.
